dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
