How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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