you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
