you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so let's talk penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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