matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
