is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
