question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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