Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
