I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
