walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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