This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
