I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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