I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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