The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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