You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
