when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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