did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
