i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry about my life...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
