guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
