when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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