tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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