He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
