He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
