I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
