is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize