So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
