and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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