Sponge bath it is.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
