What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
