I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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