I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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