Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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