haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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