He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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