My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
