And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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