drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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