upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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