Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
