I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
