So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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