just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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