he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
