I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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