In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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