Plan B is the new Plan A
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
