I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
