I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
