non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
