put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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