I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
