I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
