Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
