so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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