So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
