a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
