you mean i was at the winter classic?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
