I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
