if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
