she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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