Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
