Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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