so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
