I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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