if i can run in heels then i can drive
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
