My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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