before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
