I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
