are you still at the devil's house?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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