The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
