Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
