my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
