i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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