Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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