If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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