Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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